Ideal
by upsteadaddict
Summary: This is how I want Chicago PD episode 7x10 to go. Upstead FTW.


**Hey guys! Merry Christmas! This is pre-typed two hours before posting because I know when I get to a computer to post it I'll already be fairly drunk. This story came a lot easier to me than the other story I'm going to post today because this is literally how I feel the next episode of Chicago PD should go. Since Sophia Bush left I was very upset but continued watching the show. Then, I fell in love with Upstead and we're here. I have a linstead account that I haven't posted on in awhile (linsteadaddict) but I decided to make a new one because a lot of people don't want to see Jay with anyone else. I didn't want to come back after two years with him shipped with someone else, you know? Anyways, here's this, I wanted to post this before January 8th so now that I have access to a computer I am! I hope you enjoy! **

"He's awake! Hailey, he's asking for you," Will says as he rushed into the room of detectives, breathless. Her head shot up and she leapt out of her chair to meet him halfway.

"He's awake? Is he okay?" She started shooting questions at him in relief. Everyone started to gather around her. When Jay got out of surgery he wasn't allowed visitors quite yet, causing everyone to stay put in the waiting room. Over the past three days, most everyone had understandably left, sans the remainder of Intelligence. Hailey was the only person that had _never_ gone home, Rojas having to bring her a bag full of necessities.

"He'll _be_ okay. He wants to see you." That's all she needed to hear before following him into the ED. Later she'll feel bad for not checking in to see if it was okay with everyone, but right now her main focus was Jay. The thought of seeing him alive after three days of thinking the opposite brings tears to her eyes. She can feel her bottom lip start to tremble as they stop in front of his room door.

She turns to Will and pulls him into a quick hug, feeling the relief washing over the both of them. _He's going to be okay. _

"Go," he pulls away. She nods and puts her hand on the handle, only hesitating for a moment before pushing and walking in. Their eyes meet immediately and seeing him staring back at her the way he was when she thought he never would again was her breaking point. She let the tears fall. Three days worth of tears that she tried her best to hold in came streaming out as she makes her way to him.

"Hailey," he whispers as she sits on the edge of his bed. To avoid the risk of hurting him, she sits on the right side of him, away from his injury. His right hand immediately went to her waist as he pulls her into a lying position on his hospital bed, realizing no words were needed. Not yet, anyway. She softly cupped his face with her hand and buried her face in his neck. His hand rubs up and down her back and side while her body wracked with sobs as she lets out every tear her body had to give over every emotion she's been feeling. Fear at the thought of losing him—another partner—, grief, anguish, _love. _She gasped at the thought. He didn't notice, it blended in with the sounds of her crying. But she knew—how could she not?— she _knew_ of her feelings for him but had never even _thought_ of admitting them. Even to herself. Now, things have changed. She realized she couldn't bear the thought of losing him at _all, _let alone without telling him how she felt.

_Now is as good a time as any,_ she thought to herself.

She started taking deep breaths to calm herself down and focused on his hand on her back, squeezing her closer to him. With the hand on his face, she gently tilts it so he faces her, pulling back only enough to comfortably look at him. While caught up in her own feelings she hadn't noticed the scrapes and bruises that still lingered on his face. His eye had gotten slightly better over the course of these few days and he was now able to open it. She observed his face and saw that the cut above his eye had been stitched up and the laceration on his lip had gotten smaller. Hailey drags her thumb across his bottom lip as tears gather in her eyes again, watching his lips part.

She closes her eyes and leans forward, pressing her forehead against his and letting out a deep breath. She loved him so much. She hated seeing him injured, especially like this. She took another deep breath. The air between them had become suffocating as it was all the same, the tension so palpable you could cut it with a knife. He reached his hand up to her face and wiped a tear from her cheek. Then, what he did next surprised her all while being the most normal thing ever. He tenderly lifted her face and lowered his lips to hers.

The kiss was soft and hard, hesitant and also certain, each of them expressing their feelings through the simple touch of their lips. She stroked his cheek gently as they kissed and his arm tightened around her waist.

When they pulled away, Hailey gave him a teary smile. His face mirrored hers and both felt like a weight was lifted off of their shoulders.

_Tell him, Hailey_, she berated herself.

"I love you, Jay," she whispered, not wanting to break the silent serenity that surrounded the room. His eyes glistened with tears at her confession and he didn't make her wait long before pulling her in to kiss her again.

She came to the conclusion in that moment—if not during the first one— that kissing him was now her favorite thing to do. He pulled back an inch and whispered against her lips, "I love you too, Hailey. More than you will ever know."

She noticed his eyes start to slowly droop and how he tried to fight it. He was on drugs that reenter his system every hour and she realized that was the case.

"Go to sleep, I'm not going anywhere. We can talk when you wake up." She snuggles her face into the fabric of the hospital gown on top of his shoulder and closes her eyes as well, finally being able to properly sleep after three days.

Will finds them that way about an hour later with Voight and Burgess in tow, wanting to see how Jay was doing like everyone else. Hailey was in the same position, but Jay's head has tilted so it rested against hers, his arm still wrapped around her waist and her right one draped across his.

Will and Kim's smiles appear immediately as they can assume what probably—_finally—_ occurred between the two. Even Voight cracked a small smirk.

He shrugged his shoulder while waving his hand and spoke quietly, "Let them rest, they both sure as hell need it." Burgess and Will nodded at that and walked away from the glass door.

* * *

Jay awoke sometime later to Will adjusting something attached to him. He silently groaned as he felt the pain in his chest.

"Shhh I've got you, brother. I have to refill the dosage every four hours but it's coming," he whispers. Jay nods and looks down to Hailey sleeping. She looks at peace. _Maybe she is, now, _he thinks to himself.

When he looks back up he sees Will eyeing him curiously and then glancing at the woman against his side. He nods at him with a small, peaceful smile and that's all Will needs to understand his assumptions were right. He watches Jay as he turns his head and places a lingering kiss against Hailey's forehead. His heart clenches at the sight. Despite the circumstances, seeing his little brother finally happy again pulled on his heartstrings. He never thought he'd get—or _let_ himself— back to this point with another person. It shows how special she is to him.

He puts his hand on his shoulder lightly, mindful of his injury, and squeezes, "She's good for you."

Jay pulls Hailey closer at that and bends his other arm at the elbow to put his hand on his brother's. Will leaves after that and Jay dozes off again as the drugs kick in.

* * *

The third time he wakes up, he does so to the feeling of someone running their hands through his hair. There was no longer a warm body pressed against his side, and at that disappointing realization he opened his eyes. Though she was no longer in bed with him, the sight of his eyes were met with what was almost just as good.

Hailey sat next to him in a different outfit than before, freshly showered and face with more color, looking more like herself. She had one hand in his hair while the other rested against his abdomen and his hand migrated toward the latter, intertwining their fingers.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," she chuckles and drags her hand from his head down his face and to his shoulder. He smiled.

"Good morning," his voice was scratchy and it caused him to cough. Her hand leaves his shoulder to grab the cup on the table beside his bed and put the straw to his lips.

Once he was done, she placed the cup back down and asked, "Are you up for visitors? I hogged you all to myself last night and then we fell asleep. Everyone's back."

He hums and jokes, "I guess we can't lock ourselves in here alone forever, huh?"

She smiles mischievously, "Is that a challenge?"

He laughs softly at that and goes back to the question, "No, send everyone in, I'd love to see them."

She nods but makes no move to leave. Slowly she leans in, looking into his eyes—_gorgeous, _she thinks— and cupping his face before pressing her lips against his. It was short but sweet and when she pulled away, she whispered, "I'm so grateful that you're going to be okay. I finally feel like myself again."

His hand makes its way to the back of her head and he pulled her to him again, planting one last kiss on her mouth before watching her walk out the door momentarily. He hears her say, "Okay, he's awake," before the room fills with his unit.

"Jay! Come on, man, trying to leave without saying goodbye?" Ruzek is the first in the room behind Hailey, who sits in the recliner next to his bed. Ruzek clasps his hand on Jay's shoulder, "I'm glad to see you up and running, Halstead."

"Thanks, Adam. Although I can't wait to leave."

"You were shot in the chest, Jay," Voight chimes in with a chuckle, "That won't be happening for a while. I'm glad you're okay, though, we all know what the odds were." Hailey drops her head at that, all the more grateful that he pulled through and saddened once again at the thought that he might not have. She hangs back as Jay finishes talking to everyone, already having had her turn, and when everyone leaves to let him rest ten minutes later, he reaches for her hand.

"Hey, you okay?" He's concerned, she hadn't talked much with everyone.

"I should be asking you that," she replies with a sad smile. He pulls her hand, "Come here."

She gets up from the recliner and crawls onto the bed with him again, assuming the same position she was in earlier this morning.

Once she was settled, he asked, "What's wrong?"

"Just something Voight said. We all knew what the odds of you surviving were. The thought of losing you—," her voice cracks, "I can't, Jay. I can't lose another partner. I wouldn't be able to handle it this time." She cried for the hundredth time and continued speaking, "I love you, Jay. I am _in _love with you. Imagine you left the world before I had the chance to— to tell you." She lets out a sob at that, and his arm tightens around her body. His lips connect with her forehead and an emotion washes over him. Guilt.

"I'm sorry, Hailey." She lifts her head from his shoulder in confusion and sits up in a sitting position.

"What are you sorry for? This wasn't your fault."

"I should've listened to you. I should've let it go." She closed her eyes, shaking her head and leaning her forehead against his. His eyes started watering. "This wouldn't have happened if I had cut all ties when you told me to. I'm sorry I didn't listen. You've always had my best interest at heart and I'm sorry that it took me almost dying to realize it." He felt a tear on his cheek. One that didn't belong to him. He opened his eyes and reached up to wipe them off of her cheeks and pull her in for another kiss. One full of passion. One full of regret. His lips move against hers as if to summarize what he feels through his actions.

"It's in the past, Jay. You can't change it, so don't beat yourself up about it, okay? You're going to be okay, that's all that matters. We'll deal with the rest later."

"I love you, Hailey," she wipes her fallen tear from his face noticing that his own were going to start to fall soon, "God, so much."

She pecked his lips and instead of lying back down, she moved up on the bed to lean against the back of it, letting him rest his head on her chest when he turned on his right side. He lets his tears fall then, releasing all of his pent up frustration with himself into her chest. She runs her hand through his hair and tried to refrain from crying _herself_, feeling his arm tighten around her waist and pull her closer.

Eventually, his crying mixed with the drugs in his system put him to sleep and she turned on the tv to pass the time, as she had slept all night and wasn't as tired. She heard a knock on the door and, though she wasn't sure how she felt about someone seeing the two of them so vulnerable with each other, seeing Trudy through the glass put her mind at ease. She nodded for her to come in and turned the TV volume low.

"Hey, how's he doing?" Trudy asks, a tone of motherly concern for the younger detective evident as she takes a seat in the recliner to Hailey's right.

"He's been in and out, but he's going to be okay. He blames himself, of course, but all things considered, he's doing as good as he can," she continued running her fingers through his hair and down his back, hugging him to her body. Something that didn't go unnoticed by the sergeant. She decided she'll get back to that.

"That's good. You know, he needs someone looking after him the way that you do. I want you to know that I've never seen a stronger partnership." Hailey tears up at her words and looks down at the man she loves. He looks so peaceful in his sleep, younger, even. Something she knows is not the case in any other state of mind. She cups his face and strokes his cheek.

"How are _you_ doing?" Trudy knows firsthand what it feels like thinking you lost your partner, and that's beside the fact that there are clearly feelings involved. Hailey looked up at her and sighed. "I'm better now that he is. I just want him to be okay. He's been through so much, I just want him to catch a break."

Knowing she can confide in Trudy, Hailey confesses, "I told him how I feel about him today." If she was surprised at the admission, she didn't show it. She only smiles. "I just can't help but wonder what I would've done if I never got to tell him. I love him so much, Trudy, he doesn't deserve all the shit he gets."

"You're right about that. I'm glad you finally said something, though. Except I wish you had waited a couple days because now I owe Voight fifty bucks," she chuckles and it only increases when she sees the look of shock on Hailey's face.

"You're good for him, Hailey. He really needed someone like you to come into his life when you did."

"I would leave Intelligence for him," she whispered as the sergeant got up to leave.

"That was always the difference between him and Adam." Trudy walked out at that, leaving Hailey shocked for the second time that day.

Hailey turned the TV back up as Trudy's words lingered in her head.

_You're good for him, Hailey. _

_That was always the difference between him and Adam. _

_Damn it, Trudy, _she thinks to herself with a heavy heart.

* * *

"So," he draws the word out into her chest, alerting her that he's now awake, "are we like… dating?" Her chest vibrating in a laugh beneath his cheek causes him to smile. He pulled her closer.

"I don't know, Halstead, take me out to dinner first and then we'll talk," she wittily replies.

He chuckles, "_What?_ You're telling me that after all the kissing, cuddling _and _declarations of love you're not gonna date me? I'm offended."

She angles his head to face her and places a soft kiss on his lips with a smile. "What do you mean? I do this with all of my _friends_," she said against his lips.

He retracted his head and snickers, "Wow, _and _I'm back in the friendzone, way to kick a guy when he's down."

She smiles at him with love. She pecks his lips again and this time when she pulls away she says, "Yeah, I'll be your girlfriend, Halstead." He smiled and buried his face in her neck, placing soft kisses there.

"I love you," he whispers in her ear. Her heart explodes. She runs her hand down his back again.

"I love you too, bub."

FIN


End file.
